The Pointless Deaths Of Logan Huntzberger
by KaNugget
Summary: Many basher fics where I pointlessly kill Logan, just because. Yay! From smuthing to death to Rory becoming a wannabe Countess Elizabeth Bathory, this fic has all the ways to kill Logan Huntsburger.
1. Death By A Pillow

Okay, yeah, I was just bored and I got this great idea for a basher fic. I hope you like it :p

* * *

Logan sat on his couch. Colin and Finn where in his apartment too. They had nothing to do, bored as hell. They were so bored that Finn decided to smother Logan, not to kill him, but just to annoy him. 

Finn grabbed a pillow and slowly walked up then attacked Logan shoving the pillow in his face. Logan started to freak but Finn, being the moron he is, didn't understand that when you stop breathing you die. He kept Logan with out oxygen until the guy passed out. "Logan?" he shouted in his ear. Logan wasn't breath.

"Colin, we might have a problem."

"What'd you do?"

"Logan isn't breathing."

"What? Finn, when you deprive people from air for too long, they die."

"Yeah, but if you give them helium they sound funny."

"True," Colin agreed, "So...what are we going to do?"

"Flee the country, duh!"

Colin agreed and they took all of them money in Logan's apartment and went to the near by Block Island. The cops later found out it was Colin and Finn who were last with him, they were easily able to arrest them since Block Island is part of the state of Rhode Island, not another country. Colin and Finn are morons.

* * *

Okay, that made me laugh, I love Colin and Finn, but I can see them being too stupid to realise that Block Island is in the country. This was mainly made just to kill Logan, and I liked it. Flames welcomed...very, very welcomed. :p 


	2. A Knife To The Heart

Rory sat in bed, fiddling with the knife. They just had sex…she wasn't pleased. She always said she loved him, but the truth was her dreams were filled with Logan in pain. Logan started to snore. He was in a deep sleep…perfect.

The knife caught the reflection of her face. She had a smirk, one like Jess Mariano's. She placed the knife in her right hand and leaned over Logan. "Time to die," she barely whispered.

She plunged the knife to his heart, and broke in into a million pieces. Screams came loud, but no neighbors heard because the walls were so thick.

Right before he died he calmly spoke, "Why, Ace, why?"

She pulled the knife out of his heart, "Because you broke mine first!" He then died.

She looked around, she was covered in blood, along with the sheets. She grabbed her cell phone and called the only man who loved her enough to get her out of this mess, "Hey, Jess, I need you help."

A while later Jess arrived at the house of Logan and Rory Huntsburger. He walked into the bedroom and saw all the blood, "Hey, Countess Elizabeth Bathory, you do know your only suppose to bath in virgin blood to stay young, right?"

"Shut up, Dodger, it's not like you never killed someone before."

"Hey, Dean had it coming. And I only killed Taylor because Luke asked me too. Plus, both of those murderers were not nearly as messy as this."

"Can you just get rid of the body?" Rory asked, getting a little paranoid.

"Okay, get cleaned up, and give me you cloths, I'm going to burn them, along with these sheets. Takes a bubble bath and relax or something."

She smiled, "Okay," and kissed Jess on the check.

By the end up the night the sheets, Rory's clothes, and Logan's body was burned the middle of the woods, with only aches were to be found.


	3. Fight For Love

I finally got a flame for this fanfic. I'm so happy, flames give me so much joy. They are so funny and makes the reviewer look like a totally jackass. Haha, keep the flames coming!

* * *

Jess Mariano was in love with Rory Gilmore. Unfortunately she was with Logan Huntzberger.

_PUNCH!_

The fight had begun. Logan stumbled back. Then anger grew in him, like a clown who took one to many pies to the face. "Grrr!" he lunged forward to take a whack at Jess, but instead ran into Jess' fist. Then he took a punch to the gut.

"Arrg!" Jess was winning (duh!)

With just another punch Logan was out cold. He picked up Logan's body and placed it in front of his car. He got in the car and started it. The engine hummed. He put the car in drive, and drove over the body, then in reverse to drive over it a second time, and then in drive to run over his broken body a third and finally time. Third time really is the charm, Logan Huntzberger was dead.

Jess continued to drive and made his way to find Rory. He claimed his prize and the two lived happy ever after. Yay!


	4. I Want A Pizza

Okay, so I used Rayc Petite's idea, well sort, it kind of got a little more bloody than that. Rory is very ooc but remeber, these fanfics aren't serious at all. Oh, by the way, I do take requests, I mean, there's only so much crazy a girl can be! I won't be updating for a while because I'm going camping, but read, review, and request and I'll make all your violent dreams about Logan's death come true!

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Logan Huntzberger was making smoothes for himself and his fiancée, Rory. "ADD CHOCOLATE SYRUP!" she cheered. She grabbed some chocolate syrup and poured it in. Logan smiled, his girlfriend was insane. 

"I thought we agreed on a fruit smoothie, you know, with fruit, and only fruit."

"Chocolate's a fruit!" Rory took the chocolate syrup bottle and started to pour it in her mouth. Logan smiled and kissed, sucking the chocolate out of her mouth. She frowned; "My chocolate!" and she poured more in her mouth.

"MY RING!" Rory shouted.

Her engagement ring fell into the blender as she went to pour more chocolate in it. Instantly Logan shoved his hand into the blender. He tried to grab the ring but fail. When he pulled his fingers out they were bleeding and half were cut off.

"Haha, blood!" Rory forgot all about the ring and laughed at Logan. She licked the blood, "Yummy."

Logan stared at his hand, "Oh my God, oh my God, my fingers, they're gone!"

"Yeah, that's too bad. Unfortunately you don't have spontaneous regeneration like Claire on Heroes, dude, that's an awesome show!"

"Rory!"

"Okay, okay, I'll buy you the Season 1 DVD, you don't have to yell at me."

"Rory!"

"Is the smoothie done? I'm hungry."

"RORY!"

"What?"

Logan ran to the counter in order to grabbed the phone (with his good hand of course). A knife that was sitting on the edge of the counter went right into his gut.

"Ugg!"

"Sweetie, you okay?" Rory asked, while drinking her fruit/chocolate/blood/fingers smoothie. She walked over to Logan and saw the knife in his gut. "Oh, let me get that for you," she pulled it out.

"Ugg!"

"Haha, more blood…Logan…hello!" she leaned close to him, "…your not breathing…are you dead?" more blood spilled onto the floor, "Wow, you are dead…I want a pizza!"


	5. Lobsters

I wrote this during band the day I forgot my clarinet. Ah, the things music inspires. Happy readings!

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It was a warm spring day in Martha's Vineyard. Rory and Logan weren't in a fight; Logan was just annoyed that she kept reading her sections of the newspaper too fast and then stealing his. They really needed to get two copies, _but no_, Rory all about the environment, _blah, blah, blah._ Logan decided he'd read the only copy after a nice swim in the ocean.

He swam out into the water, the fishes brushing his legs. While his head was still beneath the surface a lobster came by and pinched his big toe. He screamed out in pain, water filling his mouth, and then it fell into his lungs.

He began to sink, and since Logan was a human and born with out gills, he drowned.

**1 Day Before**

Honor smiled and hugged her father. "Thank you, Daddy, the gills are lovely," Honor exclaimed.

Mitchium Huntzberger smiled, "Now our family can avoid all drowning accidences. I'll call Logan tomorrow so he can get some."

How Ironic


End file.
